like raindrops in terminal velocity

out in the heavy rain
i can't repeat what's been said
nor show how its done
'cause with your hand in mine
we'll run

came close to falling
just as close to succeeding
and just as we got closer
with the next step we took
we got further

it's where we are
and where we want to be
it's who we are
and who we want to be

we were never near
nor were we too far
like two parallel lines
never to part

we were bold
we were sold
and with stories untold
no one will ever know

take my hand
and i won't let you stand
alone

honest, crystal clear, and without a cut of doubt

ain't there when it's gone

i live in the clouds

worn and weary
can't see what's down the road
nor remember what i've left behind

so we'll make it out just like we used to be
just like it was in my dreams

and so castles made of sand fall in the sea
eventually

6 more days

i so need my pay
but i don't know what for

maybe i just love the idea of having more money in the bank

no
they don't
and they can't
excite me

anymore

please tell me that you won't let go

i need a fairytale for myself

one-nil

a chill, a thrill, or a double bill?

3's no good for tea

so it's gonna be just that?
as it is?
leave it?

i'm no good but i want to play for a band.

tiny dancer

please don't die on me

stuck so far, far, far away

can't decide if its a good thing
going back to where it all started
too early to rejoice
or wallow in self pity
well i guess i'll just have to wait and see

time is ever short
never with an extra moment to ponder
or wonder
and so this spells an early goodbye

remedy for a breakout

lots of sleep, water and doxycycline
(at least for me)

21

back in singapore today, back in camp tomorrow
it is the same,yet different thing altogether
since i've been gone
and back yet again

ok here i go

back(i hope) in 3 weeks
for now
til then
and for then
byes! :)




:(

turning out the way it turned out to be

crazy attempt to jus do the first draft up here but that was how it turned out. cuz the words jus seem to flow better when im typing it straight in this window as compared to when im getting it down on paper. stuff to sort out before leaving but not really putting in enough effort to get them done. well i guess its time to hit the deck. pretty late. at least i got sth done frm staying up this time. one day i hope i'd get it. wish me luck please cuz i need lots of it

ok not a good attempt but at least i tried. bound to get better. cant get any worse rite?

c g am - am f - am g



if i asked for your (c)hand

would you show me how to (g)dance

take me through each foot(am)step

as we weave round the (f)floor



if i asked to go to the (c)beach

would you lie with me on the (g)sand

watch the clouds float (am)by

in the clear blue (f)sky



and (g)could i ask if you'd fill that mis(f)sing piece in my heart

or (g)would you just stand there and watch as (f)my life falls apart

at the (em)seams

as it (am)seems



if i asked for the (c)rain

would you just go (g)insane

we could run and (am)play

in the rain all (f)day


if i asked for just one (c)night

would you lie with me under the moon(g)light

let me feel whats its (am)like

to have you by my (f)side



and (g)could i ask if you'd fill that mis(f)sing piece in my heart

or (g)would you just stand there and watch as (f)my life falls apart

at the (em)seams

as it (am)seems



would you give me a (c)chance

would you hear what i (g)say

could i please see your (am)face

just for one more (f)day

if only were blind

lost his mind
lost in his mind
still trying to find
someone of his kind

like the fisherman who, barefoot, stepped on one of his own hooks

hello forgotten place, it's been a long time..

he flew his plane too low, now there are too many he left with empty arms.

now i'm walking through the crash site of somebody's past life

now he's parting the clouds as tomorrow shines fiercely on this wreckage

his skeletal hands

capsule

spinning in the tiny bubble
swirling in circles
round and round exploding in colours
time stretches and shrinks
like a spring it blinks

comes to a standstill while the heart sinks
but the second hand races on
right down at the bottom the mind is alert
but the heart is stuck deep down in the dirt

---

What can you do with the new Windows Live? Find out

building up into nothing

in the clouds

higher and higher up

brought down by rain

washed away whatever weighed me down

but together with it took me down

droplets

through my hair

down my face

down my neck

over my chest

clothes clung like cling wrap

trickles

streams

down

for how long

head hung low

tears flowed

dealt yet with another blow

again left in the cold

will you be bold

hold on to your soul

against what you know

what courage

just a mirage

you see it

but it aint there

you punch it

but its all air

placed faith in it

but it aint fair

til then

for now

i don't know what is and isn't there

chance

the moment
so fragile
threatened to shatter if you'd try to reach out for it
can't grab it like you'd want to
only thing you could do
is just to wait
for it to engulf you
to feel it
to enjoy it
and then its gone
can't bring it back

can you take me higher?

nice week. tough walk. now just waiting for the badge. left me really tired. dint know what i was blabbering for b.i.t. . taught the wrong stuff. gold and silver hedp round. bleh. hope the corrected one got in their heads. events that capped off the week made the end a subdued one. or in thomas's words a seduced one. anw i dont know if im using words correctly here. getting really bad with language. and practically everything else. including sth not really expected. physical fitness. ippt cat test next week doesnt sound real good to me. short weekend. dont know what i can make of it. in camp nxt wk. sounds good. but not ippt and soc.

music fills my mind and takes me places. just cant explain that in words. but i like it.

the trip

much easier week ahead. i'm hoping. survive the walk and shoot and i'd be fine. other than some nasty people i'd be meeting in the week ahead. hope i make it out of camp early this friday. stuff to see too.

on another aspect. i'm still having trouble piecing the random thoughts together. the draining of mental capacity and capability is not helping either. neither is the rotting of my command of the english language and the lack of an avenue to brush up my chinese. hope to put something coherent sometime soon. or at least put up a deadline for that. what i'm thinking. what i'm seeing. all that i am. all there is to be.

flashes (goes as it comes)

the wait
the run
can't say for how much longer
i'll wait and see
how it goes
on and on
til it drops
it won't stop
the visions
the dreams
hopes and aspirations
where i'd like to be
what i'd hope you see

steel heart

tough week ahead
after a short weekend
gtg
gg

another week in the 'life'

2 good weeks
looks like another ahead
10k csb test
section quick attack live firing
and lots of lessons
pity thers guard duty
not rly lucky to get weekend duty
but anyhows
hopes this week turns out to be what it promises to be
a good one like the past 2
then after that
gotta embrace the field camps to come
:(

a handful of air

struck my heart like a meteor
left it in pieces scattered like stars across the universe
these fragments
just won't leave
like moons orbiting around planets
or planets round the sun
pulled in by that force
that just won't let go
it knows
it can't hold on forever
but still it tries
i know
it can't let go

this is it

still alive

first week was, well, ok. i guess. but enjoying my weekend while i can. ends tmr evening. demo. mg. 8km. 10km. shooting competition(dots). 3 day weekend. up nxt

and lots of live firings in the weeks to come
including uo (fux)
tough life
soon i'd be able to add short as an adjective to life too

:/

geared up and ready to go be a superhero!
aslc ftw... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

not quite what i'd want it to be ... but well lets just see how it goes
and so here we go again

no pictures or a thousand words
no hint of joy or tinge of regret
but the notes string on into a melody
weaving
bringing neither colour nor texture
looping
leaving neither knots or patterns
no direction or correction
but it goes on

need for speed

finally got down to running. after days of procrastination. though was obviously lacking physically. the lacking of mentally was especially appalling. gotta work on it. couple of days left. havnt done much pt. hope life's not too tough next week. but right now. a terrible headache

and then i drew a blank

no need to be emptied cuz was empty all the while
small touches here and there will do it no good neither will it be harmed
it extends and expands
never to end
i started
but starting is never enough
i tried
but trying is never enough
i waited
and waited

is in its incoherence
the bottomless pit
of nothingness
holes in socks
in it
it out
reach
toes
out
to touch nothing
falling
and falling...

lost my mind

can't describe
nothing to hide
with will and might
none on my side
(as the chili peppers would have said, i could have lied)

makes me wonder

sun shines
sweat streaks
into my eyes
as i squint to catch that ray
wind caresses
gently urge the clouds
as they clear away
makes me wonder
what goes beyond
that piece of blue

night falls
clouds return
sky on fire
watch clouds burn
rain's coming
run for cover
look around
cant escape
not at tp2e
but that's where i'll go
where cats and dogs call
where the cold wind blows (and bellows)
soaked
shivers in the chill
makes me wonder
if i'll last through the night

you go down and down and want it out. but no, no you won't get it, not without any humilation first

1. try harder
2. try even harder
3. hit the bed

lots of crazy ideas #@!%£š¤¶Æ§

the downs and downs of being nineteen...

no i don't wanna go back (there, or anywhere)
no i don't
take me home (here)

i'd want to go back to school though

i feel like i'm 15.

how to cut out the bad intestine

i will be responsible.

cover
recover

well here's a cold shot

the willie nelson song that tells me

i'm never at home and i'm always alone, even with someone i love

...but i don't want to go out
and my mum wont let me grow up to be a cowboy

misadventure with the horrific pleated pants

that bitter aftertaste

had too many nightmares, now i'm afraid to dream

yay for one-liners. hope i can put my sponge rollers to use tmr. yay arts and crafts

crossroads for jm's next album pls

for all the shit i'm in right now, i'm going to bed with the following question in mind: is a baby nimmo worth it? is it???

growing older and duller and leaving my lily pad of youth.. haha 'childhood' conjures images of stark naked children all cherubic and springing out of lotuses in a chinese painting. red-chested swallows circling gleefully the birthing ground with a myriad of paper kites like a calico dress decorating the sky. random swirls in drunken colours and flying wine gourds. the most psychedelic chinese painting ever!

and if you never stop when you wave goodbye, you just might find that if you give it time you will wave hello again...

sometimes at the height of my consciousness i suddenly plunge and feel like i'm alone, and really alone, a sole existence in this world... a passing feeling, but scary enough.

chicken grease and the y-axis groove

sigh. now i can really see why people worship hendrix. but i don't wanna turn hippie!

the next few weeks are going to make for a long period of time that's gonna pass too quickly, if that makes sense. i'm still scrambling to memorise my basic shit, i only started on inorganic chem today.. and bio is going to kill me.... this is nuts and i think right now it's already out of my control. some point in time of the previous week i wondered if i'd like to restart my life somewhere, and then i decided that i wouldnt, because that would just mean wasting more time. where i'm at, it seems a hell lot easier to look forward.

when i grow up, i want to be a music producer for r&b artistes! real ones. except the real ones produce their own. damn it

doobdoodoobdoob.

backflip and slip!

of course, i really, really, had to trip over myself just before the finish line

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLmAIe73HLo

for you by david ryan harris

his albums pls thanks

stand! by sly and the family stone
and
people get ready by curtis mayfield

picked up these songs today .... really nice

life's like a bed of roses
without the flowers, just the stalks

no matter which side you're on, the grass somehow always seems greener on the other side

among all my irrational fears i have one of the sea. everytime i get to the beach i stay away from water. i'm paranoid about all the murky shit in singapore's seawater and in the sand.. i am especially afraid of stepping on hiv-infected needles. somehow i have this impression that druggies frequent the beach.. dont ask me how...

still, last night at the seaside was well spent. i think aaron and i really needed to catch up. whatever we talked about on the jetty was a timely reminder of the past and the present.. we didn't discuss it in detail, but i think we'd agree on the future. the years we've spent together have forced us to be similar in many ways while we still maintain our differences. and as always, i'm thankful for my closest friends... i love them. in the most masculine way possible.

'in the wee small hours' would've been a good soundtrack. maybe because i've been listening to it a little. but it's so poignant and quietly powerful and recollections sometimes feel like they've something to do with lost love. frank sinatra must've been the original emo.

k that was then... i ought to get started on studying. now. soon. whenever. before i go: it would be perfect if anyone gets me all of david ryan harris' records off amazon. ....nah... you're too kind.

recipe for a miracle:

wish for a disaster

plotting your own downfall:

dig a ditch, and jump in!

:(

i hate people placing so much faith in me
especially when i know i cant repay their faith and they insist i can
its more about me forgiving myself than them forgiving me

too many reservations, but still so empty

the gravity of it all is pulling me in
...and time is running out like ..like ...like?
cant imagine how people can live in eternal bliss
resistance is futile
but quantum mechanically
perhaps i would be able to tunnel through this shit and make it out as i was
no actually i dont wish i would
rather
to rebound off this potential barrier and fly off backwards at the speed of light
perhaps a little faster
but really
i dont know where it all started
dont know where i should stop either
so maybe
i should just stay rooted to where i am
and keep trying
or
just give it up
but just like running straight at a wall
theres just that little chance that i would be able to make it through
and get the results
years of slacking took its toll
but enough of mediocrity for me (doesn't guarantee it stops coming to me, i think i'm a mediocrity magnet, for success is a word i cannot associate with, in whatever aspect)
all else can wait til after

'think i'm gonna wait til tomorrow'

theres no time to wallow in self pity
just gotta pick myself up and pull those socks up

where do we go now?

haha.
bored
of books and computer games
although i dint touch much of either

bored.
though theres a million things i ought to do
like cleaning the fish tank and tidying my room and notes
and getting back down to work

pickguards/spraypaint/plain tshirts/

chili crabs and ice cream
back to cakes when i get my hands on an oven

so tell me please

out of my mind

must have been crazy
was never good enough
and never will be
what was i thinking?

i'm sorry (and we'll leave it at that -as you like it)

but i'm weak
i haven't the guts to face it
i haven't the heart to take it
but i'll learn to accept it
thanks for the time
sorry for the trouble

and happy birthday

will you stand up for what's right when the time comes?

i wish i could turn up the volume on my mp3 til i drowned out all my thoughts
but as my thoughts drowned my ears hurt
couldn't be helped
sometimes just need my mind to shut up
just as my mouth needs to

work, loads to do

looks like 3 sat books cant make up for stupidity

so often, the rare occurrence

deluded and delirious
sometimes i don't know what i'm talking about
don't take everything so seriously
the world isn't what it seems to be
some divine intervention gave us all poorer eyesight so we needn't see everything so clearly
more noise around means we aren't supposed to be hearing all around explictly
more noobs like me so the rest can live life more brilliantly
simple, simply excusable

for a moment it wasnt about any one else but myself

theres kinda like this entangled spaghetti mess in my brain
and i'm trying desperately to separate them out strand by strand

i think i'm a misfit in society
i claim to have totally no idea where i want to be
i think i roughly know
just that it doesn't quite fit in with societal norms
and as much as people tell you to pursue your dreams
you cant deny the fact that you live in a society and have to conform to it
i envy people who grow up among the group of people defined to be 'successful' in society
they know where they want to be
in a way
so much easier to say 'just follow your dreams'
because it fits nicely into society
i guess it'll be hard for them to see what i'm getting at
'success is as you define it'
but in a society can you be sure of so?
when you come to a point where you realise where you want to be conflicts with attainable success, as society defines it, the definition you, as a member of society, have accepted, what do you do?
you cant just reject the definition
its just like any other accepted norms
like not stealing
like i just cant talk myself out saying that stealing is alright
so since i cant change the definition of success i have accepted
i tried to change where i want to be
in a way i have succeeded
but then i realised that theres no way i'm gonna get there
i cant make up for lost time
i cant make it up the top
and theres always something pulling me back to the start
and now i'm stuck in this circle
either way
i know i'm not gonna be able to attain success as i know it
and by convincing myself that i need to change where i want to be
i became confused because i failed to let go of the previous one
and perhaps now i really don't know where i want to be
perhaps
theres this little chance left
if i commit myself to this last minute dash
that i would be able to get all that i want to
all that i want to be
while keeping my values
achieving success
realising all the dreams
the ones i had all the while and those i found along the way
or perhaps thats too much to ask for from someone who just a moment ago was pretty much convinced on not being able to get anything at all
stop brooding over it and just get started!

ok i talk too much i should learn how to shut up
not just now
i realise that people around me cant escape knowing too much about me
which isnt a bad thing
but some things concerning other are better left unknown
not for my benefit but for those in question
i'm afraid that one day my inability to shut up will result in any form of trouble for any one else
or maybe its just someone else
whom i just cant keep my mouth shut about

and one last thing
i resolve not be late again
i've had enough if others hadn't

and the cts hit sooner than i had realised
doesnt feel as good as it should
pretty much a C or D tmr
B if im lucky
essays pretty off of late
just downhill aft ct 1
39 - 32 - 27
brilliance
and even the 39 was an obvious fluke
i hope i hit my minimum point soon if i hadnt
and not hit maximum for another half a year
my compre was never there
hope i find it tmr
u noe
like ppl stuck out in the wilderness for days then suddenly one day see a clear path out
i hope i see the way to pass compre tmr
as well as the way away from failing my essay

i cant wait
term 2 will be over in a couple of days
i cant count
and i dun intend to
though it looks like a pretty tough month after this week
with SAT and CTs to contend with
and camps and a chalet
hopefully i'll be able to squeeze out some time for my dear friends
and that sexy thing lying in the corner of my room
oh yea

hope my dying amp holds on til then
if not, i'll still have the computer with some kickass prog lang found on the net and i have yet to try
but i'll still prefer the amp in spite of its ... erm ... shortcomings
for its organic sounds
pure orgasm

improbable

unlike anything else this was love at first sight



























but just like all else seems like it'll never be mine

i wonder

what's art?
perhaps art is about beauty
but whats beauty?
is it in the expression and interpretation of human emotions or in technicality?
maybe it's because i'm not good at anything
but i'll say its in emotions
technicality, in my opinion, should only be used to better express these emotions
should only be used to just enough to get the emotions across
but it seems like most of 'art' out there is about technicality
it for its sake
it it all that we care for?
then why not we get computers to create art?
or is it about emphasizing how humans, as imperfect as they may be, can be close to perfect?
and we value technicality because we see in these 'art' signs of human qualities most people dream of, of perfection, that most can never achieve?
is art about glory, about showing how good you are, for the sake of it?
have we became so obsessed with getting to the top, that beauty, instead of being associated with humane emotions, have became with perfection?
i guess it did
cuz people seem to use 'beauty' and 'perfection' interchangeably
or maybe it has been all the while and i was just a disillusioned kid
but still, if only we could only separate art and perfection
we might get to the heart of life
yeah i know its good

i'm frustrated

by my lack of ability to get anything right
by my inherent ability to screw up any damn thing i try
by that innate inability to achieve success in anything and everything
its more than
'i'm not good enough'
its more like
'i just plainly, simply, suck'
no consolation nor salvation in sight
the worse for the better
times when it seems like it couldn't get any worse are always the times everything gets worse
whats 'rock bottom'?

well castro's out as lang would have liked it
but to be fair he deserved it for the last performance he had
was kinda surprised
not by the result but for what he did at his last performance
ok u dun have to take my comments seriously cuz i almost never watched american idol
juz following castro abit cuz lang say hes one to watch
which i cant deny
oh well just wishing him all the best in whatever he wants to do next time
but put simply, this was plain sexy

when all else fails, flail

blown

home in the stone
cold to the bone
hot to the cone
moan alone

i admit i'm trying hard to numb my brain
doing my best to ease the pain
i admit i thought it to be easy
never thought it would leave me this shitty