wont be there when you call

tough luck
hard fuck

blank nights
cold lights

why do we have two of these blogs? what's the history? i don't remember

the story cut short

how can you break the shackles
of pressure to be someone youre not

how can you be yourself
if theres still a part of you that shes got

how can you pursue passion
and not get engulfed in flames

how can you live again
when all thats lost still remains

aint it what it never was?

persistence is the key to disappointment

there's nothing left
it isn't right
straight through the edge
down by the side

i dont understand ...

friends

it just feels good to know that no matter whatever crap life throws at you during the day, there will always be those friends you can always look for at the end of it

i think i think too much

fucked up day

i'd get out of the pool when it starts raining cuz i'm afraid of getting wet

lonely is the night for the broken man

cold dark night
wind swept streets
flickering streetlights
one lonely soul
head hung low
hands in pocket
drags his feet
past one lamp post to another
into darkness
and emptiness
where nothing awaits

toads hushed in his wake
the silence
grows louder
and louder
like a piece of glass
stretching and stretching
growing ever larger
thinner and thinner
and then
the scream of a racing bike
shatters the moment
into a million shards

and there
he stood
left in a pool of shards
fragments of memories
of a time long gone
gone
and never back again

and there
he stood
rooted
thoughts lost in the silence
broken
but growing once again
to fill the night
back to how it was
how it should be
how it would be

!!!

feeling ever so bored and helpless
can't figure out if it's the end that's in sight
any reprieve will suffice

rising tides

it's hard to fight rising tides when you know they won't subside
harder to fake a smile when you know you should have cried
worst to know it would have been different if you even tried
so i'll walk the line and take the chance and fight with all my might
dive in and struggle against the rising tides

so long, forgone

i tried to put in words these thoughts i can't complete
but still i trip and stumble over these lines i cannot skip
because to you and only you the truth is all that i will speak
and while truth hurts and pain lingers without you i cannot sleep

... and bowling for soup/ good charlotte/ my chemical romance

it's been a while since year 3000

i've almost forgotten a certain time long long ago, a time of innocent marvel at the music of busted/ blink182/ green day/ s club 7/ westlife/ backstreet boys/ blue and perhaps britney spears too?


a long, long time ago...

isn't there when its gone

one week outfield and i so terribly miss my best friends... and now staring at the prospect of not being able to see one of them for another year... losing is ever painful. yet the greatest joy lies in giving, not receiving. i wonder.

hi teoh. i'll be back

lost dreams and broken hearts...

when I see your face
there's not a thing that I would change
cause you're amazing
just the way you are

and when you smile
the whole world stops and stares for awhile
cause girl you're amazing
just the way you are

easier said than done

last night i dreamt that i could look into the future and i saw that i would die in the year 2076. for some reason. perhaps a timely dream. at first, it seemed like a long long way away. then i realised it isn't really that far away. if i even had 80 years, i had already spent a quarter without knowing it. and it dawned on me that i hadn't been happy most of these 20. i had spent far too much of it mulling over all i couldn't do and hadn't done to be happy. maybe its really time to take charge. of all i can do. and all i want to. as i had said, life's too short. and then i had to have that dream. perhaps it really is time to wake up from all this unhappiness brought on by myself onto myself. well i wouldn't know if i'd die tomorrow. all i can do is make the most out of it today. but i wouldn't know if i'd die today. all i have is now. the past's gone. the future's not for me to say. so i guess its time to pull up

yea and i know i'm lying

it has been in these trying times of late nights lying on my back staring out into nothing that i've been spending time thinking about what has been going on in the past twenty years of my life. apart from being mostly clueless it occurred to me that it wasn't too long ago when desmond and hong liang were the best of friends and then suddenly one day for reasons unknown til today they fought in class and chased each other round then junior block with leon cheering them on. and it wasn't too long ago when nigel got screwed for giving elangor the finger. nor was it when i got sent out of class for mocking the abortion video. or when philbert and i nearly got the class into trouble for disturbing our neighbours at the class chalet. well those were the days.

i realised that of the six years i spend in the sprawling campus i saw developed from a swampland from home the first two particularly stood out. it was then that i had the most memorable time of my life. it was then that i found those who were going to stick with me for the following eight years. through thick and thin. and the thick got thin. well ain't that thin. but kennedy ain't that fat anymore. we had fun. we were young. and foolish. and innocent. but of course i didn't occur to me then that i was having the time of my life. i thought life sucked. i never excelled in studies. neither did i in sports. or cca. and i thought that really mattered. and that stuck for the next six years. i mean, raffles is more than just a name. its a branding. its a mark of excellence in every field of endeavor. everyone was excelling in something. they were all good in something. not me. naturally i felt like a misfit among giants. lacking in 'achievements' that the school so emphasized every day. it became such that every single thing we did was measured in achievements. needless to say i felt like a failure. maybe i was. and still am.

what i didn't realise then was that i had gained what had really mattered and what is to matter to me for the rest of my life. i had gain a wealth of the best friends i could ever ask for. with whom i would experience the most memorable times of my life. with whom i would have the most fun. most happiness. and joy. with whom i could share my sorrows. my grouses. my deepest fears. my interests. my passions. and aspirations.

well through the six years i sure didnt achieve any result to be proud of. but those six were really important to me. they made me the person i am today.they shaped the way i think, move and breathe. whatever i did, am doing or will do. i'm really sorry for not being able to contribute to the honour and glory of the school. but i realised that there is no reason for me to be sorry to myself. i took what i had to. and gave what i did.

what i learnt from these nights of blank staring was that there isn't a measure of success in life. results matter. but they ain't everything. a moment not winning isn't a memory worth losing. every moment is special. every moment is worth celebrating. for every life is a gift. and so is every moment. celebrate joy, love and happiness. celebrate friends, families and all that we have. we might lose everything tomorrow. but at least we have all we have now. maybe it ain't much. but it ain't nothing. its worth celebrating. life's too short for us to spend time wallowing in self pity. gotta get out there do all you wanna do. cuz life's a celebration of love. for all. and yourself. celebrate every breath til the last we take.

one live. live it. life is short. don't waste it.
we don't have to die to prove we are courageous. we don't have to grow old to get wise. we don't have to cry before we know what's love. we don't have to wait til its too late to learn regret. we don't have to fall to rise above.

awkward silence in the fading sunset ...

lips sealed in fear of regret.

明天會更好

reaching out...

treading on thin air
without a hint of despair
yet when the moon falls
the sun
will rise again

will you quell my fears
and always be near
when the brave
and fearless
shy away

hanging on to a silver of hope that might have been long gone
but i won't give up as long as this song plays on
the shimmer in the distance grows dimmer by the moment
but your warmth will keep me going in the arctic storm

time flies and night falls
soon darkness engulfs all
together
we'll keep the fire burning til daylight

are you roaring with passion
or just resigned to submission
cuz that will be all the difference
when hope bridges the distance

stars twinkling in your eyes
with you here by my side
i'll muster the courage to face the monsters at the fore
whatever it takes to be back at those good days once more
hope and dreams don't have to follow any law
flames of love burn once forever more

back to 07/08

bored + Paint!

frownss :(

one week later, another week down
the finishing line draws near but my mind's no longer sound
time is ample
days are simple
but at the end of the day you'll just look like a clown

trips into ultrasound

three clicks to dawn and i'm sick of this song
but the story goes on for the loveless and forlorn

i might have said yes but it wouldn't be the best
would you rise above the crest or lay among the rest

it is tonight in your sweet caress that i know i'm blessed
for it is in this mess that i know it ain't anything less

now playing

final route taken 19.6

braddell - kallang - mt faber

Share your bike routes @ Bikely.com

photos on fb

back to the blues...

ok thats quite a bit to figure out in the little bits of time i'd be having from now

love's gonna get you down

the party don’t start until I walk in

1800 hrs. just done with breakfast and washing up. yes, breakfast. (fortunately) not having a hangover. too late to have one anyway. and the puke taste's gone. just about 3 or 4 hrs of sleep in the past 48 prior to the first train today. just glad i made it through. don't think i'd be back to that anytime soon.

impermanence
makes this moment last

her imperfections
sets her in her class

its so simple,
so simple in its complexities

and so complex,
so complex in its simplicity

belief, faith and trust that there is nothing,
nothing but truth and love and the one,
the one and only way to take me to the end,
the end which will lead me back to the start.

im gonna rediscover singapore
then again i don't remember discovering her before...

by the entrance of the tube

you caught my eye
and left me blind

you stole my breath
and left me gasping

you ate my words
and left me with nothing to say

went pounding a path a haven't been down in awhile
reigniting remnants of a lost vision

313 and all that is left of me

and you won't read that book again because the ending's just too hard to take

when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

sweet as sugar

searching ...

still trying to find a way to make the most out of the electric guitar. like to use it as an electric guitar. not as an acoustic. by itself. theres so much to its sound, but so little to my capabilities.

like raindrops in terminal velocity

out in the heavy rain
i can't repeat what's been said
nor show how its done
'cause with your hand in mine
we'll run

came close to falling
just as close to succeeding
and just as we got closer
with the next step we took
we got further

it's where we are
and where we want to be
it's who we are
and who we want to be

we were never near
nor were we too far
like two parallel lines
never to part

we were bold
we were sold
and with stories untold
no one will ever know

take my hand
and i won't let you stand
alone

honest, crystal clear, and without a cut of doubt

ain't there when it's gone

i live in the clouds

worn and weary
can't see what's down the road
nor remember what i've left behind

so we'll make it out just like we used to be
just like it was in my dreams

and so castles made of sand fall in the sea
eventually

6 more days

i so need my pay
but i don't know what for

maybe i just love the idea of having more money in the bank

no
they don't
and they can't
excite me

anymore

please tell me that you won't let go

i need a fairytale for myself

one-nil

a chill, a thrill, or a double bill?

3's no good for tea

so it's gonna be just that?
as it is?
leave it?

i'm no good but i want to play for a band.

tiny dancer

please don't die on me

stuck so far, far, far away

can't decide if its a good thing
going back to where it all started
too early to rejoice
or wallow in self pity
well i guess i'll just have to wait and see

time is ever short
never with an extra moment to ponder
or wonder
and so this spells an early goodbye

remedy for a breakout

lots of sleep, water and doxycycline
(at least for me)

21

back in singapore today, back in camp tomorrow
it is the same,yet different thing altogether
since i've been gone
and back yet again

ok here i go

back(i hope) in 3 weeks
for now
til then
and for then
byes! :)




:(

turning out the way it turned out to be

crazy attempt to jus do the first draft up here but that was how it turned out. cuz the words jus seem to flow better when im typing it straight in this window as compared to when im getting it down on paper. stuff to sort out before leaving but not really putting in enough effort to get them done. well i guess its time to hit the deck. pretty late. at least i got sth done frm staying up this time. one day i hope i'd get it. wish me luck please cuz i need lots of it

ok not a good attempt but at least i tried. bound to get better. cant get any worse rite?

c g am - am f - am g



if i asked for your (c)hand

would you show me how to (g)dance

take me through each foot(am)step

as we weave round the (f)floor



if i asked to go to the (c)beach

would you lie with me on the (g)sand

watch the clouds float (am)by

in the clear blue (f)sky



and (g)could i ask if you'd fill that mis(f)sing piece in my heart

or (g)would you just stand there and watch as (f)my life falls apart

at the (em)seams

as it (am)seems



if i asked for the (c)rain

would you just go (g)insane

we could run and (am)play

in the rain all (f)day


if i asked for just one (c)night

would you lie with me under the moon(g)light

let me feel whats its (am)like

to have you by my (f)side



and (g)could i ask if you'd fill that mis(f)sing piece in my heart

or (g)would you just stand there and watch as (f)my life falls apart

at the (em)seams

as it (am)seems



would you give me a (c)chance

would you hear what i (g)say

could i please see your (am)face

just for one more (f)day

if only were blind

lost his mind
lost in his mind
still trying to find
someone of his kind

like the fisherman who, barefoot, stepped on one of his own hooks

hello forgotten place, it's been a long time..

he flew his plane too low, now there are too many he left with empty arms.

now i'm walking through the crash site of somebody's past life

now he's parting the clouds as tomorrow shines fiercely on this wreckage

his skeletal hands

capsule

spinning in the tiny bubble
swirling in circles
round and round exploding in colours
time stretches and shrinks
like a spring it blinks

comes to a standstill while the heart sinks
but the second hand races on
right down at the bottom the mind is alert
but the heart is stuck deep down in the dirt

---

What can you do with the new Windows Live? Find out

building up into nothing

in the clouds

higher and higher up

brought down by rain

washed away whatever weighed me down

but together with it took me down

droplets

through my hair

down my face

down my neck

over my chest

clothes clung like cling wrap

trickles

streams

down

for how long

head hung low

tears flowed

dealt yet with another blow

again left in the cold

will you be bold

hold on to your soul

against what you know

what courage

just a mirage

you see it

but it aint there

you punch it

but its all air

placed faith in it

but it aint fair

til then

for now

i don't know what is and isn't there

chance

the moment
so fragile
threatened to shatter if you'd try to reach out for it
can't grab it like you'd want to
only thing you could do
is just to wait
for it to engulf you
to feel it
to enjoy it
and then its gone
can't bring it back

can you take me higher?

nice week. tough walk. now just waiting for the badge. left me really tired. dint know what i was blabbering for b.i.t. . taught the wrong stuff. gold and silver hedp round. bleh. hope the corrected one got in their heads. events that capped off the week made the end a subdued one. or in thomas's words a seduced one. anw i dont know if im using words correctly here. getting really bad with language. and practically everything else. including sth not really expected. physical fitness. ippt cat test next week doesnt sound real good to me. short weekend. dont know what i can make of it. in camp nxt wk. sounds good. but not ippt and soc.

music fills my mind and takes me places. just cant explain that in words. but i like it.

the trip

much easier week ahead. i'm hoping. survive the walk and shoot and i'd be fine. other than some nasty people i'd be meeting in the week ahead. hope i make it out of camp early this friday. stuff to see too.

on another aspect. i'm still having trouble piecing the random thoughts together. the draining of mental capacity and capability is not helping either. neither is the rotting of my command of the english language and the lack of an avenue to brush up my chinese. hope to put something coherent sometime soon. or at least put up a deadline for that. what i'm thinking. what i'm seeing. all that i am. all there is to be.

flashes (goes as it comes)

the wait
the run
can't say for how much longer
i'll wait and see
how it goes
on and on
til it drops
it won't stop
the visions
the dreams
hopes and aspirations
where i'd like to be
what i'd hope you see

steel heart

tough week ahead
after a short weekend
gtg
gg

another week in the 'life'

2 good weeks
looks like another ahead
10k csb test
section quick attack live firing
and lots of lessons
pity thers guard duty
not rly lucky to get weekend duty
but anyhows
hopes this week turns out to be what it promises to be
a good one like the past 2
then after that
gotta embrace the field camps to come
:(

a handful of air

struck my heart like a meteor
left it in pieces scattered like stars across the universe
these fragments
just won't leave
like moons orbiting around planets
or planets round the sun
pulled in by that force
that just won't let go
it knows
it can't hold on forever
but still it tries
i know
it can't let go

this is it

still alive

first week was, well, ok. i guess. but enjoying my weekend while i can. ends tmr evening. demo. mg. 8km. 10km. shooting competition(dots). 3 day weekend. up nxt

and lots of live firings in the weeks to come
including uo (fux)
tough life
soon i'd be able to add short as an adjective to life too

:/

geared up and ready to go be a superhero!
aslc ftw... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

not quite what i'd want it to be ... but well lets just see how it goes
and so here we go again

no pictures or a thousand words
no hint of joy or tinge of regret
but the notes string on into a melody
weaving
bringing neither colour nor texture
looping
leaving neither knots or patterns
no direction or correction
but it goes on

need for speed

finally got down to running. after days of procrastination. though was obviously lacking physically. the lacking of mentally was especially appalling. gotta work on it. couple of days left. havnt done much pt. hope life's not too tough next week. but right now. a terrible headache

and then i drew a blank

no need to be emptied cuz was empty all the while
small touches here and there will do it no good neither will it be harmed
it extends and expands
never to end
i started
but starting is never enough
i tried
but trying is never enough
i waited
and waited

is in its incoherence
the bottomless pit
of nothingness
holes in socks
in it
it out
reach
toes
out
to touch nothing
falling
and falling...

lost my mind

can't describe
nothing to hide
with will and might
none on my side
(as the chili peppers would have said, i could have lied)

makes me wonder

sun shines
sweat streaks
into my eyes
as i squint to catch that ray
wind caresses
gently urge the clouds
as they clear away
makes me wonder
what goes beyond
that piece of blue

night falls
clouds return
sky on fire
watch clouds burn
rain's coming
run for cover
look around
cant escape
not at tp2e
but that's where i'll go
where cats and dogs call
where the cold wind blows (and bellows)
soaked
shivers in the chill
makes me wonder
if i'll last through the night

you go down and down and want it out. but no, no you won't get it, not without any humilation first

1. try harder
2. try even harder
3. hit the bed

lots of crazy ideas #@!%£š¤¶Æ§

the downs and downs of being nineteen...

no i don't wanna go back (there, or anywhere)
no i don't
take me home (here)

i'd want to go back to school though

i feel like i'm 15.

how to cut out the bad intestine