no inspiration nor redemption
and so remains the feeling stuck in my chest

but don't ask me what I think of you

I might not give the answer that you want me to

misery

How do you deal with a friend who thinks he/she knows much more about you than he/she obviously does, and gets serious offended and upset at the suggestion that there might be much more to you than he/she ever thinks he/she know?Best when he/she starts going around talkimg to people about you based on what he/she thought was true of you. And also

'Oh, you dont have to deny it, i know its true. I know you how well.' Well, if i cant find a way to stop you from doing this, i'd soon be driven to hell.

Good friends that aren't so good after all.

am i living it right?

cause i wonder sometimes about the outcome
of a still verdictless life

faith, misplaced

some friendships are just too emotionally draining to maintain

so flow with the wind
roll in never ending sin

and drown in wine
live the lie of a soon to be slaughtered swine

roar at the waves
drenched in blood of the cursed slave

grow in pain
trying hard not to go insane

play the blame game
as if it's ever going to be the same

and in the end, giving in
realizing that it's easier to just flow with the wind

i know it's for the best

.. you can have manhattan
cause ..

wake me up when it's all over
when i'm wiser and i'm older
all this time i was finding myself
didn't know i was lost

young

full of running

tell me where has that taken me

just a great

figure of eight

or a tiny infinity

legacy or liability

so i guess at the end of the day, there's always a nagging doubt, a gnawing fear, that i'll die with nothing to my name, lying on my deathbed not having achieved anything in this short, sad and pathetic life. we come with nothing, leave a trail of destruction, then disappear without a trace. how terrifying indeed.

anyway, if i do indeed die young, will really appreciate having a non religious ceremony, and please don't burn paper stuff or clothes. will be nice if everything usable could be donated and no further destruction to earth done in my name when i'm dead. oh well can go on and on about how i wish my end would be but it all sounds too morbid. just hope for everyone to be happy. but no prayers please. thanks.

in time it'll fade

wait, wait, that's not what i said
to my horror the sun's up and i'm still in bed
for the effort i lacked and now in stone it's laid
after sunset for light i await
and for the words not uttered now that he's dead

nostalgia is a warm gun

for ma friend aspirin



this really hits home

i wont mince it

and so you think its fine
keeping score while exclaiming how you're having a great time

finding fault and sharpening your sword
ever eager to rid of vigour

placing in doubt all that exists
giving faith to all that negates

twisting words to fit your rhyme
behind your smile preparing a bucket of slime

here's wishing you luck that you will find
someone who can understand your kind

the little left after the theft

I still see you

But growing ever so distant

Like a fading star

and then sprang a gap

growing older and starting to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders

and with each step taken rising fear that i'll falter

delve deep and the more you'll find

but knowledge corrupts innocent minds like deviant grains in sands of time

its no longer about the things you wish you know but the things you wish you had never known

but we cant regret we cant turn back

so basically im toally fucked up and disappointed everyone
kkthxbye

i dont think its possible ...

and i often wonder if i ever meant anythng you

never believed in anything
especially in myself

oh the tyranny of mediocrity

hate being inferior in any way, much less many ways, to those around. guess this fucked up mentality's gonna hit me bad some way or another soon

meek slip

"i can write on and on and not get whatever's stuck in my head out'

so dry, the blind mice

the heated debate in my head

empty promises

treading a fine line between hope and regret
waking up in yet another dream
falling asleep in nights that never end

through darkness truth meanders
for questions i dont need answers
with each step i falter

in the tension that escalates
in release it hopes to vindicate
sinking into the deep
resurfacing where ends meet

please get me out of here
free me of my inner fears
clear the doubts and dry those tears
hear me out and hold me near

the end so enticing
the trip so terrifying
isn't an option but to stay on course
won't look back in remorse

and in the end we'll reconcile
the differences that seem like miles
disposing of all that guile
removing knives behind those smiles

took up more than a couple of new commitments, because i'm gasping to move on with life. my thoughts are that these binding arrangements will transform the ordinary course of things, and just maybe i will come out a little better. a little tougher and smarter. i thought i was tough and smart enough, but now i know i'm just a pile of blocks. every day of growing up takes so much effort, even as a passive process... all that coming to terms with new things that i see or feel.

for now, the rest of the semester looks like a blur from here, i honestly can't tell the trajectory...

初恋

sian need to buck up

skew lines
broken charts
flooded streets
empty hearts

messing up my lines
this script aint mine
searching for a hint of divine
to explain all i cant define

its still so cold
its getting old
near the black hole
cant just say no

so on it goes

i don't even try to be reticent or taciturn as they call me. i'm just more comfortable this way.

these moments don't belong here

the silence
so calming yet so frightening

save me from myself

woke up from a dream and felt so empty

missing pieces loom larger

past and future seem further

and this empty moment drags on forever

the shallow deep
the mental trip
the freudian slip

winding roads that lead to nowhere

i've lost my cause
forgotten who i was
in pursuit of what i'd lost

can you remind me who you are?
fleeting memory that seems so far
yet through my heart still tearing scars
scorching the night sky and fading stars

and in your trail of smoke and lace
or perhaps not too long ago, somewhere yesterday
amidst stranger conversations and stranger names
i was gone without a trace
in the crowd just another nameless face

grey hay

long gone
the swan song
could never belong
could never be wrong

don't know where we won't go

won't know where we don't go

conversation killer

you can dance with the queen if you need,
and she will always keep your cards close to her heart

so close to her heart
 ...before they tear you apart

where did i go wrong
i lost a friend
somewhere along in the bitternes ....

the lizard the blizzard and the bigot

so hard to get to sleep
with the scars that run so deep
and the ends that never meet

there's a recoil always when you fire that gun

and i forgot what i came for

yesterday
all my troubles seemed so far away

now i'm wondering why i gave a damn anyway

the words i ate

the storm in my head
that i cant placate
what was done, and has been said
and the nights spend lying in bed

alone, afraid
of an ending i cant create
of a fire i cant sedate
and of the hollowness which fixates

a frozen lake this love, cold frigid stare will skate around me, 'in my heart she left a hole'

i dont want to know

the magic and the misery

they won't get the best of you

she won't get the best of me

wont be there when you call

tough luck
hard fuck

blank nights
cold lights

why do we have two of these blogs? what's the history? i don't remember

the story cut short

how can you break the shackles
of pressure to be someone youre not

how can you be yourself
if theres still a part of you that shes got

how can you pursue passion
and not get engulfed in flames

how can you live again
when all thats lost still remains

aint it what it never was?

persistence is the key to disappointment

there's nothing left
it isn't right
straight through the edge
down by the side

i dont understand ...

friends

it just feels good to know that no matter whatever crap life throws at you during the day, there will always be those friends you can always look for at the end of it

i think i think too much

fucked up day

i'd get out of the pool when it starts raining cuz i'm afraid of getting wet

lonely is the night for the broken man

cold dark night
wind swept streets
flickering streetlights
one lonely soul
head hung low
hands in pocket
drags his feet
past one lamp post to another
into darkness
and emptiness
where nothing awaits

toads hushed in his wake
the silence
grows louder
and louder
like a piece of glass
stretching and stretching
growing ever larger
thinner and thinner
and then
the scream of a racing bike
shatters the moment
into a million shards

and there
he stood
left in a pool of shards
fragments of memories
of a time long gone
gone
and never back again

and there
he stood
rooted
thoughts lost in the silence
broken
but growing once again
to fill the night
back to how it was
how it should be
how it would be

!!!

feeling ever so bored and helpless
can't figure out if it's the end that's in sight
any reprieve will suffice

rising tides

it's hard to fight rising tides when you know they won't subside
harder to fake a smile when you know you should have cried
worst to know it would have been different if you even tried
so i'll walk the line and take the chance and fight with all my might
dive in and struggle against the rising tides

so long, forgone

i tried to put in words these thoughts i can't complete
but still i trip and stumble over these lines i cannot skip
because to you and only you the truth is all that i will speak
and while truth hurts and pain lingers without you i cannot sleep

... and bowling for soup/ good charlotte/ my chemical romance

it's been a while since year 3000

i've almost forgotten a certain time long long ago, a time of innocent marvel at the music of busted/ blink182/ green day/ s club 7/ westlife/ backstreet boys/ blue and perhaps britney spears too?


a long, long time ago...

isn't there when its gone

one week outfield and i so terribly miss my best friends... and now staring at the prospect of not being able to see one of them for another year... losing is ever painful. yet the greatest joy lies in giving, not receiving. i wonder.

hi teoh. i'll be back

lost dreams and broken hearts...

when I see your face
there's not a thing that I would change
cause you're amazing
just the way you are

and when you smile
the whole world stops and stares for awhile
cause girl you're amazing
just the way you are

easier said than done

last night i dreamt that i could look into the future and i saw that i would die in the year 2076. for some reason. perhaps a timely dream. at first, it seemed like a long long way away. then i realised it isn't really that far away. if i even had 80 years, i had already spent a quarter without knowing it. and it dawned on me that i hadn't been happy most of these 20. i had spent far too much of it mulling over all i couldn't do and hadn't done to be happy. maybe its really time to take charge. of all i can do. and all i want to. as i had said, life's too short. and then i had to have that dream. perhaps it really is time to wake up from all this unhappiness brought on by myself onto myself. well i wouldn't know if i'd die tomorrow. all i can do is make the most out of it today. but i wouldn't know if i'd die today. all i have is now. the past's gone. the future's not for me to say. so i guess its time to pull up

yea and i know i'm lying

it has been in these trying times of late nights lying on my back staring out into nothing that i've been spending time thinking about what has been going on in the past twenty years of my life. apart from being mostly clueless it occurred to me that it wasn't too long ago when desmond and hong liang were the best of friends and then suddenly one day for reasons unknown til today they fought in class and chased each other round then junior block with leon cheering them on. and it wasn't too long ago when nigel got screwed for giving elangor the finger. nor was it when i got sent out of class for mocking the abortion video. or when philbert and i nearly got the class into trouble for disturbing our neighbours at the class chalet. well those were the days.

i realised that of the six years i spend in the sprawling campus i saw developed from a swampland from home the first two particularly stood out. it was then that i had the most memorable time of my life. it was then that i found those who were going to stick with me for the following eight years. through thick and thin. and the thick got thin. well ain't that thin. but kennedy ain't that fat anymore. we had fun. we were young. and foolish. and innocent. but of course i didn't occur to me then that i was having the time of my life. i thought life sucked. i never excelled in studies. neither did i in sports. or cca. and i thought that really mattered. and that stuck for the next six years. i mean, raffles is more than just a name. its a branding. its a mark of excellence in every field of endeavor. everyone was excelling in something. they were all good in something. not me. naturally i felt like a misfit among giants. lacking in 'achievements' that the school so emphasized every day. it became such that every single thing we did was measured in achievements. needless to say i felt like a failure. maybe i was. and still am.

what i didn't realise then was that i had gained what had really mattered and what is to matter to me for the rest of my life. i had gain a wealth of the best friends i could ever ask for. with whom i would experience the most memorable times of my life. with whom i would have the most fun. most happiness. and joy. with whom i could share my sorrows. my grouses. my deepest fears. my interests. my passions. and aspirations.

well through the six years i sure didnt achieve any result to be proud of. but those six were really important to me. they made me the person i am today.they shaped the way i think, move and breathe. whatever i did, am doing or will do. i'm really sorry for not being able to contribute to the honour and glory of the school. but i realised that there is no reason for me to be sorry to myself. i took what i had to. and gave what i did.

what i learnt from these nights of blank staring was that there isn't a measure of success in life. results matter. but they ain't everything. a moment not winning isn't a memory worth losing. every moment is special. every moment is worth celebrating. for every life is a gift. and so is every moment. celebrate joy, love and happiness. celebrate friends, families and all that we have. we might lose everything tomorrow. but at least we have all we have now. maybe it ain't much. but it ain't nothing. its worth celebrating. life's too short for us to spend time wallowing in self pity. gotta get out there do all you wanna do. cuz life's a celebration of love. for all. and yourself. celebrate every breath til the last we take.

one live. live it. life is short. don't waste it.
we don't have to die to prove we are courageous. we don't have to grow old to get wise. we don't have to cry before we know what's love. we don't have to wait til its too late to learn regret. we don't have to fall to rise above.

awkward silence in the fading sunset ...

lips sealed in fear of regret.

明天會更好

reaching out...

treading on thin air
without a hint of despair
yet when the moon falls
the sun
will rise again

will you quell my fears
and always be near
when the brave
and fearless
shy away

hanging on to a silver of hope that might have been long gone
but i won't give up as long as this song plays on
the shimmer in the distance grows dimmer by the moment
but your warmth will keep me going in the arctic storm

time flies and night falls
soon darkness engulfs all
together
we'll keep the fire burning til daylight

are you roaring with passion
or just resigned to submission
cuz that will be all the difference
when hope bridges the distance

stars twinkling in your eyes
with you here by my side
i'll muster the courage to face the monsters at the fore
whatever it takes to be back at those good days once more
hope and dreams don't have to follow any law
flames of love burn once forever more

back to 07/08

bored + Paint!

frownss :(

one week later, another week down
the finishing line draws near but my mind's no longer sound
time is ample
days are simple
but at the end of the day you'll just look like a clown

trips into ultrasound

three clicks to dawn and i'm sick of this song
but the story goes on for the loveless and forlorn

i might have said yes but it wouldn't be the best
would you rise above the crest or lay among the rest

it is tonight in your sweet caress that i know i'm blessed
for it is in this mess that i know it ain't anything less

now playing

final route taken 19.6

braddell - kallang - mt faber

Share your bike routes @ Bikely.com

photos on fb

back to the blues...

ok thats quite a bit to figure out in the little bits of time i'd be having from now

love's gonna get you down

the party don’t start until I walk in

1800 hrs. just done with breakfast and washing up. yes, breakfast. (fortunately) not having a hangover. too late to have one anyway. and the puke taste's gone. just about 3 or 4 hrs of sleep in the past 48 prior to the first train today. just glad i made it through. don't think i'd be back to that anytime soon.

impermanence
makes this moment last

her imperfections
sets her in her class

its so simple,
so simple in its complexities

and so complex,
so complex in its simplicity

belief, faith and trust that there is nothing,
nothing but truth and love and the one,
the one and only way to take me to the end,
the end which will lead me back to the start.

im gonna rediscover singapore
then again i don't remember discovering her before...

by the entrance of the tube

you caught my eye
and left me blind

you stole my breath
and left me gasping

you ate my words
and left me with nothing to say

went pounding a path a haven't been down in awhile
reigniting remnants of a lost vision

313 and all that is left of me

and you won't read that book again because the ending's just too hard to take

when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

sweet as sugar

searching ...

still trying to find a way to make the most out of the electric guitar. like to use it as an electric guitar. not as an acoustic. by itself. theres so much to its sound, but so little to my capabilities.

like raindrops in terminal velocity

out in the heavy rain
i can't repeat what's been said
nor show how its done
'cause with your hand in mine
we'll run

came close to falling
just as close to succeeding
and just as we got closer
with the next step we took
we got further

it's where we are
and where we want to be
it's who we are
and who we want to be

we were never near
nor were we too far
like two parallel lines
never to part

we were bold
we were sold
and with stories untold
no one will ever know

take my hand
and i won't let you stand
alone

honest, crystal clear, and without a cut of doubt

ain't there when it's gone

i live in the clouds

worn and weary
can't see what's down the road
nor remember what i've left behind

so we'll make it out just like we used to be
just like it was in my dreams

and so castles made of sand fall in the sea
eventually