took up more than a couple of new commitments, because i'm gasping to move on with life. my thoughts are that these binding arrangements will transform the ordinary course of things, and just maybe i will come out a little better. a little tougher and smarter. i thought i was tough and smart enough, but now i know i'm just a pile of blocks. every day of growing up takes so much effort, even as a passive process... all that coming to terms with new things that i see or feel.

for now, the rest of the semester looks like a blur from here, i honestly can't tell the trajectory...

初恋