misadventure with the horrific pleated pants

that bitter aftertaste

had too many nightmares, now i'm afraid to dream

yay for one-liners. hope i can put my sponge rollers to use tmr. yay arts and crafts

crossroads for jm's next album pls

for all the shit i'm in right now, i'm going to bed with the following question in mind: is a baby nimmo worth it? is it???

growing older and duller and leaving my lily pad of youth.. haha 'childhood' conjures images of stark naked children all cherubic and springing out of lotuses in a chinese painting. red-chested swallows circling gleefully the birthing ground with a myriad of paper kites like a calico dress decorating the sky. random swirls in drunken colours and flying wine gourds. the most psychedelic chinese painting ever!

and if you never stop when you wave goodbye, you just might find that if you give it time you will wave hello again...

sometimes at the height of my consciousness i suddenly plunge and feel like i'm alone, and really alone, a sole existence in this world... a passing feeling, but scary enough.

chicken grease and the y-axis groove

sigh. now i can really see why people worship hendrix. but i don't wanna turn hippie!

the next few weeks are going to make for a long period of time that's gonna pass too quickly, if that makes sense. i'm still scrambling to memorise my basic shit, i only started on inorganic chem today.. and bio is going to kill me.... this is nuts and i think right now it's already out of my control. some point in time of the previous week i wondered if i'd like to restart my life somewhere, and then i decided that i wouldnt, because that would just mean wasting more time. where i'm at, it seems a hell lot easier to look forward.

when i grow up, i want to be a music producer for r&b artistes! real ones. except the real ones produce their own. damn it

doobdoodoobdoob.

backflip and slip!

of course, i really, really, had to trip over myself just before the finish line

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLmAIe73HLo

for you by david ryan harris

his albums pls thanks

stand! by sly and the family stone
and
people get ready by curtis mayfield

picked up these songs today .... really nice

life's like a bed of roses
without the flowers, just the stalks

no matter which side you're on, the grass somehow always seems greener on the other side

among all my irrational fears i have one of the sea. everytime i get to the beach i stay away from water. i'm paranoid about all the murky shit in singapore's seawater and in the sand.. i am especially afraid of stepping on hiv-infected needles. somehow i have this impression that druggies frequent the beach.. dont ask me how...

still, last night at the seaside was well spent. i think aaron and i really needed to catch up. whatever we talked about on the jetty was a timely reminder of the past and the present.. we didn't discuss it in detail, but i think we'd agree on the future. the years we've spent together have forced us to be similar in many ways while we still maintain our differences. and as always, i'm thankful for my closest friends... i love them. in the most masculine way possible.

'in the wee small hours' would've been a good soundtrack. maybe because i've been listening to it a little. but it's so poignant and quietly powerful and recollections sometimes feel like they've something to do with lost love. frank sinatra must've been the original emo.

k that was then... i ought to get started on studying. now. soon. whenever. before i go: it would be perfect if anyone gets me all of david ryan harris' records off amazon. ....nah... you're too kind.

recipe for a miracle:

wish for a disaster

plotting your own downfall:

dig a ditch, and jump in!

:(

i hate people placing so much faith in me
especially when i know i cant repay their faith and they insist i can
its more about me forgiving myself than them forgiving me

too many reservations, but still so empty

the gravity of it all is pulling me in
...and time is running out like ..like ...like?
cant imagine how people can live in eternal bliss
resistance is futile
but quantum mechanically
perhaps i would be able to tunnel through this shit and make it out as i was
no actually i dont wish i would
rather
to rebound off this potential barrier and fly off backwards at the speed of light
perhaps a little faster
but really
i dont know where it all started
dont know where i should stop either
so maybe
i should just stay rooted to where i am
and keep trying
or
just give it up
but just like running straight at a wall
theres just that little chance that i would be able to make it through
and get the results
years of slacking took its toll
but enough of mediocrity for me (doesn't guarantee it stops coming to me, i think i'm a mediocrity magnet, for success is a word i cannot associate with, in whatever aspect)
all else can wait til after

'think i'm gonna wait til tomorrow'

theres no time to wallow in self pity
just gotta pick myself up and pull those socks up

where do we go now?

haha.
bored
of books and computer games
although i dint touch much of either

bored.
though theres a million things i ought to do
like cleaning the fish tank and tidying my room and notes
and getting back down to work

pickguards/spraypaint/plain tshirts/

chili crabs and ice cream
back to cakes when i get my hands on an oven

so tell me please

out of my mind

must have been crazy
was never good enough
and never will be
what was i thinking?

i'm sorry (and we'll leave it at that -as you like it)

but i'm weak
i haven't the guts to face it
i haven't the heart to take it
but i'll learn to accept it
thanks for the time
sorry for the trouble

and happy birthday

will you stand up for what's right when the time comes?

i wish i could turn up the volume on my mp3 til i drowned out all my thoughts
but as my thoughts drowned my ears hurt
couldn't be helped
sometimes just need my mind to shut up
just as my mouth needs to

work, loads to do

looks like 3 sat books cant make up for stupidity

so often, the rare occurrence

deluded and delirious
sometimes i don't know what i'm talking about
don't take everything so seriously
the world isn't what it seems to be
some divine intervention gave us all poorer eyesight so we needn't see everything so clearly
more noise around means we aren't supposed to be hearing all around explictly
more noobs like me so the rest can live life more brilliantly
simple, simply excusable

for a moment it wasnt about any one else but myself

theres kinda like this entangled spaghetti mess in my brain
and i'm trying desperately to separate them out strand by strand

i think i'm a misfit in society
i claim to have totally no idea where i want to be
i think i roughly know
just that it doesn't quite fit in with societal norms
and as much as people tell you to pursue your dreams
you cant deny the fact that you live in a society and have to conform to it
i envy people who grow up among the group of people defined to be 'successful' in society
they know where they want to be
in a way
so much easier to say 'just follow your dreams'
because it fits nicely into society
i guess it'll be hard for them to see what i'm getting at
'success is as you define it'
but in a society can you be sure of so?
when you come to a point where you realise where you want to be conflicts with attainable success, as society defines it, the definition you, as a member of society, have accepted, what do you do?
you cant just reject the definition
its just like any other accepted norms
like not stealing
like i just cant talk myself out saying that stealing is alright
so since i cant change the definition of success i have accepted
i tried to change where i want to be
in a way i have succeeded
but then i realised that theres no way i'm gonna get there
i cant make up for lost time
i cant make it up the top
and theres always something pulling me back to the start
and now i'm stuck in this circle
either way
i know i'm not gonna be able to attain success as i know it
and by convincing myself that i need to change where i want to be
i became confused because i failed to let go of the previous one
and perhaps now i really don't know where i want to be
perhaps
theres this little chance left
if i commit myself to this last minute dash
that i would be able to get all that i want to
all that i want to be
while keeping my values
achieving success
realising all the dreams
the ones i had all the while and those i found along the way
or perhaps thats too much to ask for from someone who just a moment ago was pretty much convinced on not being able to get anything at all
stop brooding over it and just get started!

ok i talk too much i should learn how to shut up
not just now
i realise that people around me cant escape knowing too much about me
which isnt a bad thing
but some things concerning other are better left unknown
not for my benefit but for those in question
i'm afraid that one day my inability to shut up will result in any form of trouble for any one else
or maybe its just someone else
whom i just cant keep my mouth shut about

and one last thing
i resolve not be late again
i've had enough if others hadn't

and the cts hit sooner than i had realised
doesnt feel as good as it should
pretty much a C or D tmr
B if im lucky
essays pretty off of late
just downhill aft ct 1
39 - 32 - 27
brilliance
and even the 39 was an obvious fluke
i hope i hit my minimum point soon if i hadnt
and not hit maximum for another half a year
my compre was never there
hope i find it tmr
u noe
like ppl stuck out in the wilderness for days then suddenly one day see a clear path out
i hope i see the way to pass compre tmr
as well as the way away from failing my essay

i cant wait
term 2 will be over in a couple of days
i cant count
and i dun intend to
though it looks like a pretty tough month after this week
with SAT and CTs to contend with
and camps and a chalet
hopefully i'll be able to squeeze out some time for my dear friends
and that sexy thing lying in the corner of my room
oh yea

hope my dying amp holds on til then
if not, i'll still have the computer with some kickass prog lang found on the net and i have yet to try
but i'll still prefer the amp in spite of its ... erm ... shortcomings
for its organic sounds
pure orgasm

improbable

unlike anything else this was love at first sight



























but just like all else seems like it'll never be mine

i wonder

what's art?
perhaps art is about beauty
but whats beauty?
is it in the expression and interpretation of human emotions or in technicality?
maybe it's because i'm not good at anything
but i'll say its in emotions
technicality, in my opinion, should only be used to better express these emotions
should only be used to just enough to get the emotions across
but it seems like most of 'art' out there is about technicality
it for its sake
it it all that we care for?
then why not we get computers to create art?
or is it about emphasizing how humans, as imperfect as they may be, can be close to perfect?
and we value technicality because we see in these 'art' signs of human qualities most people dream of, of perfection, that most can never achieve?
is art about glory, about showing how good you are, for the sake of it?
have we became so obsessed with getting to the top, that beauty, instead of being associated with humane emotions, have became with perfection?
i guess it did
cuz people seem to use 'beauty' and 'perfection' interchangeably
or maybe it has been all the while and i was just a disillusioned kid
but still, if only we could only separate art and perfection
we might get to the heart of life
yeah i know its good

i'm frustrated

by my lack of ability to get anything right
by my inherent ability to screw up any damn thing i try
by that innate inability to achieve success in anything and everything
its more than
'i'm not good enough'
its more like
'i just plainly, simply, suck'
no consolation nor salvation in sight
the worse for the better
times when it seems like it couldn't get any worse are always the times everything gets worse
whats 'rock bottom'?

well castro's out as lang would have liked it
but to be fair he deserved it for the last performance he had
was kinda surprised
not by the result but for what he did at his last performance
ok u dun have to take my comments seriously cuz i almost never watched american idol
juz following castro abit cuz lang say hes one to watch
which i cant deny
oh well just wishing him all the best in whatever he wants to do next time
but put simply, this was plain sexy

when all else fails, flail

blown

home in the stone
cold to the bone
hot to the cone
moan alone

i admit i'm trying hard to numb my brain
doing my best to ease the pain
i admit i thought it to be easy
never thought it would leave me this shitty

its hard to notice your folly
and even harder to admit it
or rather
instead of using 'you'
its my folly i failed to see
and now theres nothing left to me

unchained
from the mountain tops but not from the depths of the sea

i AM stupid

what went wrong?
can't seem to put my finger on it

for a moment i was mesmerized

but i'd try not to get distracted

not as bold

got lost in the flow and dealt with a blow
now i'm left out here in the cold

hguot

homework is tough
really tough
but i guess they put a whole new meaning into pain for pleasure

lang said there were probs with the ripped gipsy kings on his com
which i had some too on the dvd player
dno wat wrong still
cuz that dvd player's pretty screwy
but til i sort it out
lets juz put it as gipsy kinks

napfa's in 3 wks n im still failing 2.4
discipline's pretty bad
said i wanted to run 2.4 this wk
monday went to tuesday
tuesday went to wednesday
i darent speak for tmr

life's pretty tough
aft cts mugging nows for napfa mugging
juz wishing for a nice day tomorrow

sometimes u gotta have a little talent (which i don't)

ok enough of fooling around n time to get back to the ground
with work not yet started it was just another weekend down the drain
and with the results coming back soon
gotta face what you gotta face
usually when life doesnt go one way it goes the other
but when it goes neither
somehow easier to blame it on life
'life sux' or 'life's tough'
but getting real
if life aint good enough
most probably
or most certainly
means you arent
so just work harder
doesnt always work though
(the part on working harder)

yea so maybe its true that life's tough and it sucks

not a disease, but can be cured

so much for lang's 'turn gay for a day with ken the man'
of courz some ppl neednt go to such extents to feel the love
but when nth else works out
not even mugging to bail you out of failures
then at least there are still the bunch of gaylords who will stand by you
even when the absence of successes seem to make life meaningless
alrite time to try fl studio 7
done in time
although i dno wats in it
but u'd nv noe wats in til ure in
like would u noe u could make lemonade from lemon if no1 got inside one?

<3

wanted to save my thanks for tmr but decided to try my best to stop this habit of procastinating
THANK YOU! :)
to anyone who has done anything for my birthday
the smses
the lunch yesterday
the wallet n cd
and of courz the time today
thanks for all the manly and gayloves guys
guess lee kuan yew's not gonna be pretty happy...

'when life gives u lemons make lemonade.
when life gives u guys make it to bed.'

multi*plied **

mourn econs

sometimes...

sometimes it is
sometimes it was