it's been a while since year 3000

i've almost forgotten a certain time long long ago, a time of innocent marvel at the music of busted/ blink182/ green day/ s club 7/ westlife/ backstreet boys/ blue and perhaps britney spears too?


a long, long time ago...

isn't there when its gone

one week outfield and i so terribly miss my best friends... and now staring at the prospect of not being able to see one of them for another year... losing is ever painful. yet the greatest joy lies in giving, not receiving. i wonder.

hi teoh. i'll be back

lost dreams and broken hearts...

when I see your face
there's not a thing that I would change
cause you're amazing
just the way you are

and when you smile
the whole world stops and stares for awhile
cause girl you're amazing
just the way you are

easier said than done

last night i dreamt that i could look into the future and i saw that i would die in the year 2076. for some reason. perhaps a timely dream. at first, it seemed like a long long way away. then i realised it isn't really that far away. if i even had 80 years, i had already spent a quarter without knowing it. and it dawned on me that i hadn't been happy most of these 20. i had spent far too much of it mulling over all i couldn't do and hadn't done to be happy. maybe its really time to take charge. of all i can do. and all i want to. as i had said, life's too short. and then i had to have that dream. perhaps it really is time to wake up from all this unhappiness brought on by myself onto myself. well i wouldn't know if i'd die tomorrow. all i can do is make the most out of it today. but i wouldn't know if i'd die today. all i have is now. the past's gone. the future's not for me to say. so i guess its time to pull up

yea and i know i'm lying

it has been in these trying times of late nights lying on my back staring out into nothing that i've been spending time thinking about what has been going on in the past twenty years of my life. apart from being mostly clueless it occurred to me that it wasn't too long ago when desmond and hong liang were the best of friends and then suddenly one day for reasons unknown til today they fought in class and chased each other round then junior block with leon cheering them on. and it wasn't too long ago when nigel got screwed for giving elangor the finger. nor was it when i got sent out of class for mocking the abortion video. or when philbert and i nearly got the class into trouble for disturbing our neighbours at the class chalet. well those were the days.

i realised that of the six years i spend in the sprawling campus i saw developed from a swampland from home the first two particularly stood out. it was then that i had the most memorable time of my life. it was then that i found those who were going to stick with me for the following eight years. through thick and thin. and the thick got thin. well ain't that thin. but kennedy ain't that fat anymore. we had fun. we were young. and foolish. and innocent. but of course i didn't occur to me then that i was having the time of my life. i thought life sucked. i never excelled in studies. neither did i in sports. or cca. and i thought that really mattered. and that stuck for the next six years. i mean, raffles is more than just a name. its a branding. its a mark of excellence in every field of endeavor. everyone was excelling in something. they were all good in something. not me. naturally i felt like a misfit among giants. lacking in 'achievements' that the school so emphasized every day. it became such that every single thing we did was measured in achievements. needless to say i felt like a failure. maybe i was. and still am.

what i didn't realise then was that i had gained what had really mattered and what is to matter to me for the rest of my life. i had gain a wealth of the best friends i could ever ask for. with whom i would experience the most memorable times of my life. with whom i would have the most fun. most happiness. and joy. with whom i could share my sorrows. my grouses. my deepest fears. my interests. my passions. and aspirations.

well through the six years i sure didnt achieve any result to be proud of. but those six were really important to me. they made me the person i am today.they shaped the way i think, move and breathe. whatever i did, am doing or will do. i'm really sorry for not being able to contribute to the honour and glory of the school. but i realised that there is no reason for me to be sorry to myself. i took what i had to. and gave what i did.

what i learnt from these nights of blank staring was that there isn't a measure of success in life. results matter. but they ain't everything. a moment not winning isn't a memory worth losing. every moment is special. every moment is worth celebrating. for every life is a gift. and so is every moment. celebrate joy, love and happiness. celebrate friends, families and all that we have. we might lose everything tomorrow. but at least we have all we have now. maybe it ain't much. but it ain't nothing. its worth celebrating. life's too short for us to spend time wallowing in self pity. gotta get out there do all you wanna do. cuz life's a celebration of love. for all. and yourself. celebrate every breath til the last we take.

one live. live it. life is short. don't waste it.
we don't have to die to prove we are courageous. we don't have to grow old to get wise. we don't have to cry before we know what's love. we don't have to wait til its too late to learn regret. we don't have to fall to rise above.