theres kinda like this entangled spaghetti mess in my brain
and i'm trying desperately to separate them out strand by strand
i think i'm a misfit in society
i claim to have totally no idea where i want to be
i think i roughly know
just that it doesn't quite fit in with societal norms
and as much as people tell you to pursue your dreams
you cant deny the fact that you live in a society and have to conform to it
i envy people who grow up among the group of people defined to be 'successful' in society
they know where they want to be
in a way
so much easier to say 'just follow your dreams'
because it fits nicely into society
i guess it'll be hard for them to see what i'm getting at
'success is as you define it'
but in a society can you be sure of so?
when you come to a point where you realise where you want to be conflicts with attainable success, as society defines it, the definition you, as a member of society, have accepted, what do you do?
you cant just reject the definition
its just like any other accepted norms
like not stealing
like i just cant talk myself out saying that stealing is alright
so since i cant change the definition of success i have accepted
i tried to change where i want to be
in a way i have succeeded
but then i realised that theres no way i'm gonna get there
i cant make up for lost time
i cant make it up the top
and theres always something pulling me back to the start
and now i'm stuck in this circle
either way
i know i'm not gonna be able to attain success as i know it
and by convincing myself that i need to change where i want to be
i became confused because i failed to let go of the previous one
and perhaps now i really don't know where i want to be
perhaps
theres this little chance left
if i commit myself to this last minute dash
that i would be able to get all that i want to
all that i want to be
while keeping my values
achieving success
realising all the dreams
the ones i had all the while and those i found along the way
or perhaps thats too much to ask for from someone who just a moment ago was pretty much convinced on not being able to get anything at all
stop brooding over it and just get started!
ok i talk too much i should learn how to shut up
not just now
i realise that people around me cant escape knowing too much about me
which isnt a bad thing
but some things concerning other are better left unknown
not for my benefit but for those in question
i'm afraid that one day my inability to shut up will result in any form of trouble for any one else
or maybe its just someone else
whom i just cant keep my mouth shut about
and one last thing
i resolve not be late again
i've had enough if others hadn't
Wednesday, 28 May 2008
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